Estrangement

I decided to write about a situation that stems from a few months back, when I traveled to Idaho for Spring Break...when I got back, I was tired, ornery, kids needed to be bathed and fed, etc. I get home, and my hubby is watching 2 of my neighbors kiddos...he hadn't gone with us. My neighbor and her hubby were out buying a new vehicle. I called her on her cell phone, and asked her when she would be back, she hemmed and hawed, and said they had just gotten there, etc. Well, I said that I would try and find someone to take over. Since it was Sunday, everyone was doing family things, so no luck. I called her back and said as much. And then I hinted at the fact that my kiddos needed to bath and eat, etc. And that would it be ok to leave her kiddos in the back yard to play for a bit. The weather was probably around 58 to 60 degrees...so it was a bit cool, but the sun was out. I didn't think of rain puddles from earlier raining. Well, as soon as I mentioned that her kiddos were outside (which they had already been playing outside for a bit with my kiddos) she totally FLIPPED out, like over the top. And she said that someone would be over to get her kids as soon as possible, and baically said 'thanx for the last hour and a half'. And that she wouldn't ever be asking me to babysit, again.

It was then that I discovered that her 3 year old had found some mud, and had gotten a little muddy, and also wet on his pantlegs, and sweater. I planned to get him changed and his shoes cleaned off, but that is when someone showed up to get them, right in their disheveled state. I apologized, and asked if I could get some dry clothes for him, the lady declined, and said that she was a grandma...so she had all of that stuff. (Come to find out that she had kept the wet clothes all together in a plastic bag to show the kids' parent's how 'wet' they had gotten....she is a mutual neighbor, and we haven't talked about the situation...so I don't know what/if she is thinking about the whole issue. Also, just recently she became the Relief Society President...so, I wonder if she feels ackward, or in the middle. I also wonder which 'side', if any, she is on...her putting the clothes in a plastic bag, would indicate she was on C's side.)

Well, later that evening neighbor 'Dad' came over very aggrivated, and said 'I don't know what happened today but Q... threw up, and T.... was all wet'. I tried to explain, but he wouldn't even let me say anything...he just held up his hand and said 'Don't say anything, just don't EVER call, and don't come over EVER again.' Jakob (my 5 year old) was right there hearing this. He didn't quite understand why he wouldn't be seeing his friends anymore...and they haven't, either.

I feel bad that I made a bad judgement call, in letting her kiddos play outside with it being cooler, and having rained earlier that day...where she supposedly wouldn't have. (though she always has let her kids play in the irrigation water in their back yard, the difference being that it is quite a bit warmer outside~oh, and can't forget that irrigation water brings in mice, and cockroaches and who knows what else). I feel the 'punishement' was greater then the crime. Especially for the kids...now they haven't seen their friends in around 3 months (even though we live 3 houses away from each other). I have also considered the possibility that maybe she didn't flip out because her kids were in the back yard, but maybe because she thought I was 'dismissing' them? Like she thought maybe I wasn't treating her kids equal to mine? With me mentioning that I would like to have her kids continue to play outside, while I brought mine in to have baths. I don't know...

This situation was brought to the forefront of my mind this last couple of days, because a few days ago I went shopping at a Thrift Store with a cousin. She had Zaelynn with her in one part of the store, and I had Benjamin with me in another area. While looking through the racks, I noticed this neighbor right in the other isle, shopping from the same rack I was, but on the other side...the racks were higher, so you can't see over the top. I didn't know if she was ignoring me, or hadn't spotted me yet. Well, her daughter spotted Ben, then looked up and saw me. Her eyese and mouth got REALLY big, and then she turned to her Mom..who was just turning our way. I said 'hi', and asked how her summer was going, and if they had any plans. I mentioned out cute her baby was, and how she had grown. But that is about it. Nothing was mentioned about the 'situation', or about getting together. I wonder if I should have brought something up. I still can't decide. Who's court is the ball in? If I were to mention something, I would probably say something like, 'I am sorry for my bad judgement, but I hate that my choices are affecting the opportunity for our children to play'. Yet, I can't get out of my mind her husband clearly mentioning to never call or come over again. I would HATE to always walk on eggshells, too.

When this all first happened, I had decided that I wouldn't elabirate, and tell everyone the situation...well, at least anyone that we mutually knew. There was only one person (Candace) that knew of the situation, that also knew my neighbor. And that was because the following day, after it happened, she came over and Jakob said that 'someone was really mad at us, and now we couldn't play with their kids'. I tried to tell Jakob not to bring it up, but Candace insisted that we 'tell all'. So, I told her a short version of the story. Well, the next time she talked with my neighbor, my neighbor said, 'So I guess you know the whole thing between Stephanie and I, and that we had a falling out.' Or something to that effect. Candace said that Jakob had started to say something, and that I had 'shushed' him. Well, my neighbor told all..and Candace later told me that she was acting a bit extreme about the whole thing. (the funny thing, while she was telling me that my neighbor was being a bit too extreme about it, she was letting her 11 month old son play in that same rain water that the neighbor has freaked out about the day before...her 11 month old was soaked to his arm pits.)

Well, a month or so after 'the situation' I was at another mutual friends house.(Jen) I asked how C... was doing. She said, 'oh ya, C... told me all about your falling out'. She also went on to say that C... mentioned that it is 'hard to hold a grudge'. Jen said that I should just call and talk to her, and that C's hubby is just a bit uptight, and that C probably doesn't feel as extreme about it all, but is going along with her hubby, or something like that. I said that I wasn't really willing to get yelled at, again. And that it WAS her on the phone freaking out the first time, when I mentioned that I wanted to have her kids continue to play outside for a bit, while I took care of mine.

Anywho...Jakob hasn't asked about her kids for quite awhile. Which is really unfortunate, because it was nice having neighbor kids for our kids to play with. Yet again, I really would hate to walk on eggshells...which I know I would, if we ever reconcil our differences.

(A couple of days ago ~June18th~ Jon and I were going for a walk around the block with Ben and Zaelynn...we passed by this neighbor's house, and the husband was out watering...as we walked by Jon said, 'It's looking good' ~in regards to the yard, they've done some major work on it the last few months~ Well, there was no comment or acknowledgement given on the neighbors part...so we continued walking on. So much for extending the olive branch.)